The man you see pictured above unleashed irreparable pain and suffering upon me on Friday evening. The threshold of my hearing was infringed upon. He caused damage to my nervous system and violated my nasal passages. Let me explain. I was standing outside Border’s in DC on Wisconsin Avenue across from Mazza Gallerie. I was posted up while waiting for my partners to come through so we could grub at Maggiano’s. I was just chillin’, making a few calls and such. Out of nowhere I heard this loud MERP MERRRRP MEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP thunderous tuba-like sound come from nowhere. About 3 seconds the nastiest smell of a waste and sewage ever imaginable was present in the air. I looked over to the left and there he was… a homeless vet.
He was knocked out with a book in his lap and legs spread wide open. Perfect position for launch. Dude let loose a chorus of flatulence along with a wave of nerve gas that almost debilitated me. As the reflex of regurgitation took over, I slowly staggered away from the scene of the crime to a safe location… at the bar.
There I detoxed myself from the punishing power of pew with vodka and cranberry. I don’t know what his name is, how old he is or what he did in the military… or even if his note about being a vet was true, But in my eyes, he’s the Unabomber. I’m lucky to be alive folks. Continue to pray for my safety folks.
Peace & Love..