These knuckleheads around my way

I moved up outta PG County back in the summer and I figured I was getting away from the madness by going in the ‘burbs. I mean, two years ago this week on Black Friday, I had my Maxima stolen in the complex that I lived in. It wasn’t just stolen, but later found stripped down to skeletal remains on Minnesota Avenue in SE DC. Aside from that there was always some drama going on in the Bladensburg/Hyattsville area and I had to get outta there. So, I ventured into a more ‘not-so-ghetto’ county in the state of MD. Aiight… back to what occurred last night. I had just got home from the game at FedEx Field and barely had a minute to take my boots off. My two cousins were up in the house and one of them yelled out “Yo… who ordered a pizza?”… I didn’t bother responding cuz I had just got home and I figured that they knew it wasn’t me. So my cousins girl hollers upstairs to when me and my other cousin was “Did one of you order a pizza”… I was like “No… I aint order nothin’” and he replied the same thing. The pizza man went on his way and I didn’t think about it again.

About an hour later, I decided to roll to the grocery store to pick-up a few ingredients so I could start lacing my pies from Thanksgiving. My cousins had gone to shoot ball and nobody was in the house. I spent about 20 minutes in the Giant and came back home. As I arrived I saw these two young cats lookin kinda shady. They were walking slow, but in the direction of my house. There was no reason for them to be going that direction, unless they were planning on taking some kinda of shortcut through my yard. I brushed it off and grabbed my groceries. As I walked towards my house, I turned around and the Pizza Hut dude was there again. He was walking right behind me. I said “Yo slick… where you going?”… He said “I’m delivering your pizza”…. I said “Bruh, I told you already, I didn’t order no pizza!” Almost instantly, I heard the rustle of leaves and looked up just in time to see one of the youngins on the side of my house lurking on the side of the tall fence. Right then it hit me that these jokers were tryna rob the pizza man. The motion detector activated and the lights came on at the front of the house. I said to the pizza dude “I suggest you walk the other way cuz I’m goin in the house”. I quickly grabbed the house keys from my sweatshirt, opened the front door, dropped the groceries on the floor and slammed the door behind me. I looked out and the pizza dude was still there. I opened the window next to the front door and said “Slim… I think you betta get outta here. I didn’t order no pizza”. Now in hindsight, I guess I shoulda told him what was about to happen, but I didn’t. I aint want the youngins to overhear me talking to him and if he had panicked they might jumped him on spot. Instead, he read back the address that he had on the receipt, I acknowledged that it was mine, but I told him that again that the pizza wasn’t ordered by me.

After a few seconds he walked back to his car and drove off. Minutes later as I hovered by the window on the side of the house, I saw the two punks emerge from the bushes. Their presence alerted my motion detector and the front lights came on. I didn’t get a good look at em and didn’t bother to call the police. I did however call Pizza Hut and let them know what was going on. The manager seemed like he didn’t care. I told him, “Look, these youngins out here are tryna set your drivers up to get robbed”. He was like “Yeah, they called from the same phone number and ordered twice, but gave two different addresses, yours and another one”. I was done at that point. That itself screamed of potential nonsense.

I’m like… why these fools wanna use my address to commit crimes. Didn’t I go through enough of this craziness in PG County!!!!!???? It’s Thanksgiving week… can’t a brotha have some peace???

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