I’m in the grocery store this afternoon and I’m pushing the cart down each and every aisle as I customarily do. As I pick up the items that are on my list, I match them up with the coupons in my left pocket and cross them off the list stored in my mind. Along the way I pick up some things that are on sale that I probably don’t really need. Hey, when you can get a deal you take it right? Nothing like having a few extra snacks in the house for a rainy day… or a sunny day for that matter. It’s not my fault that they had a buy one/get one free sale on Edy’s ice cream. Plus, those blueberry muffins in the bakery that are $2 off the regular price aren’t gonna hurt me too bad. I mean, they’ve got blueberries in them and that’s a fruit.
Anyway I get to the aisle where the detergents and cleaning aids are located and I stand there for a sec to refresh my mind as to what I need. I grab some Tide, a bottle of Downy and some Downy dryer sheets. I picked up a bottle of Lysol lemon cleaner and stood there for a moment trying to remember what else I needed. Oh yeah, I needed a pack of 2000 Flushes. I strolled over to the section where the toilet cleaning items were and did a quick inventory. Hmmmm… no 2000 Flushes. It was on sale that week and there were none on the shelves. The good folks in my neighborhood grocery store had cleaned up on that special. So I looked on the same shelf and saw Vanish Drop-Ins, Clorox Automatic X-14 and some other off brand toilet cleaning tablets.
For some strange reason at that very moment a thought came to me. Why the hell did I need this stuff? Why was I so bothered by the fact that the toilet tablets that I wanted were sold out? Hell, with 4 bathrooms in the house I would need a few packs to keep things consistent. In fact, why was it so important that the toilet water was blue? What rocket scientist came up with that one? Don’t ask me why I had that epiphany right there in the grocery store, but I did. I really felt the need to know what brain surgeon came up with the invention that made folks rush to the store to ensure that their toilet water could be blue.
Why not purple, pink or some other color? I mean, does it make folks feel better when they can’t see the color of the water when they pee? It’s not like we all don’t know what it looks like when we relieve ourselves during those restroom breaks in clear water. Why the need to camouflage it with blue water? Hell, it might be more scary for some to see the water turn green during the process. Then again some folks might get excited about the transformation as if it were a pack of Kool-Aid Magic Twists in a pitcher of water. Okay, okay, maybe that concept is a little bit crazy. For those true Kool-Aid fans out there, I apologize.
We all do go to our own private restrooms solo I presume and we all flush the toilet afterwards correct? Look, I understand that the tablets are supposed to sanitize the toilet bowl and keep it smelling fresh and clean for the most part, but why the blue? Couldn’t they just have made them in clear tablets with the same chemical agents and achieved the same results. I know that some companies now make the clear bleach kind, but that’s not my point. Were the tablets made in blue dye so that folks would feel better about knowing the toilet was clean. Come to think of it, every airplane or Amtrak train I remember travelling on on since I was age 7, had blue toilet water in their bathroom. This was really bugging me cuz it just didn’t make sense all of a sudden.
Regardless of whether you use these ‘automatic’ bowl cleaning tablets in your toilet, it still needs to be cleaned. You can’t just throw some blue tablets in the tank and ABRACABABRA, the toilet cleans itself. You still need to have that brush sitting behind the toilet and some Pine-Sol or Lysol or whatever to disinfect that joint. Which brings me to another point, why do the blue tablets need to smell like potpourri now? Geez… I really wish to embrace the scent of flowers while I’m sitting on the can handling God’s business, as I like to call it. Will aroma of a spring meadow relax you and put you at ease during your session, as you sit there reading JET magazine? Regardless of the the scent, you had better be running that fan and have a candle burning or can of spray for the after effects if you’re in there after a less than stomach settling dinner experience. Aiiiight, enough on that. I dunno what’s up with me, I’m feeling really abstract today.
I remember back when I lived in an apartment, the maintenance crew would fuss about us putting these things in the tank. They said that the bleach and chemicals could destroy the flapper which would eventually cause the water to leak continuously. Furthermore the damaged flapper would lead to costly plumbing repairs and water leaking would produce a higher water bill. That didn’t matter to me back then, I wasn’t paying for anything except electric. But now, hmmmmmmm… you’re telling me that the water bill I get every three months from WSSC can be lower by now using toilet cleaning tablets??? I dunno about that. I suppose that there’s some truth to it.
Anyway, I finished up my grocery shopping without getting a toilet cleaning tablet of any sort, paid at the register and began my drive home. I figured that I’d stop by the dollar store which was directly around the corner from my house to grab a few inexpensive things. I grabbed a box of Little Debbie Banana Twins (I know… more snacks), an empty spray bottle so I can mix my Simple Green concentrated cleaner in and some Ziploc sandwich bags. I’m on my way to the register to pay for these things and I pass by more cleaning agents. There I saw a twin pack of Blue2, an in-tank automatic bowl cleaner. What did I do? Yep, I picked it up and took it to the register with the rest of my stuff. Hey, it’s no 2000 Flushes… but if I can get 28 1/2 flushes out of each tablet… that’ll be aiiiiight.